No Sadness Here: What Child Clients Taught Me About Emotional Expression

I recently bought this new miniature toy at a conference. (Below) It looks like a slouching person with hands in pockets and downcast eyes. Of course if you know any play therapists, you probably know I bought more! We tend to see the power in toys as tools for emotional expression. More on that soon. 

As I searched through the exhibit hall full of weighted blankets, picture books, fidgets, puppets, dolls and more, I had a singular focus in mind: Sadness.

I’ve often asked children in the play therapy room, “Is there anything you needed for this little world that I didn’t have? What else do you wish you could add?” Lately kiddos told me

that they needed something to represent sadness and my choices just weren’t cutting it. I’d thought that maybe my snail, tortoise, rain cloud, pile of rocks or cage could be enough.

Emotional expression. You’ve heard the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” If that’s true then one pretend play scene must be in the millions. No two people experience sadness exactly the same way and so I’m glad I listened to the kids (who tend to give more suggestions than I can accommodate!) I purchased a few toys with sadness in mind actually: a baby-like monkey puppet with a high-pitched squeaker, a rubber sloth and another doll.

My goal is twofold;

I want to provide many options for metaphor so that children can safely approach all their feelings and experiences.

And I want to signal by my materials that whatever their state of mind or problem, I’m willing to bring painful or shameful things into the light together. 

If you’re raising kids, but don’t have the bandwidth for their big needs or were never taught a wide emotional vocabulary yourself, then I hope you’ll consider play therapy. Contact me for a free brief call to see if I’m the right fit for your family. 

About the author: Joy Cannon is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Registered Play Therapist and National Certified Counselor providing group and play therapy in her hometown of Austin, Texas. Her specialties include young children ages 3-7 years, caregivers of people with chronic illnesses or mental health diagnoses and leading groups.

Disclaimer: The above information is intended to provide a general overview of mental health topics or child development. This information is not a replacement for professional psychotherapy or diagnosis. Seek consultation from a licensed professional for personalized treatment planning.

"Look at what I made!"

5 Empowering, Sensitive Ways of Responding to Children’s Art

We stammer when we see children’s artwork for a variety of reasons. It’s okay that you don’t always know what to say when the finger painting or mashup of pipe cleaners and buttons are thrust in your face. Most parents vaguely sense that to judge for realism would be somehow wrong, but simply praising it feels inauthentic too. And if they made it during a counseling session or it seems scary, how do we analyze this? What’s a good parent to do?

1. Express gratitude. Thank them for showing you and sharing their creativity. This opens communication without a single question.

2. A simple “Tell me about it” goes a long way!

3. Listen for a narrative. See how they connect the pieces to gain insight into their world.

4. Use “minimal encouragers” such as “Wow!” “mmmm” and “oooh” to demonstrate your interest, These open-ended responses allow the child an option to expand on details or express feelings.

5. Focus on how the child made it. This involves asking about where they started first or describing what materials you see they’ve used. 

If you’d like to improve your communication, play and relationship with your kiddo who is struggling, please reach out on my contact form to pursue individual or group counseling services. 

About the author: Joy Cannon is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Registered Play Therapist and National Certified Counselor providing group, individual and play therapy in her hometown of Austin, Texas. Her specialties include young children ages 3-7 years, caregivers of people with chronic illnesses or mental health diagnoses and groups.

Disclaimer: The above information is intended to provide a general overview of mental health topics or child development. This information is not a replacement for professional psychotherapy or diagnosis. Seek consultation from a licensed professional for personalized treatment planning.

4 Reasons I Love Client Goodbyes

Sounds strange at first doesn’t it? Counseling is full of paradoxes. I value the amazing capacity of even tiny humans so much that I attended graduate school plus the road to licensure. And families invest significant effort to simply schedule amidst other needs and responsibilities. (Not to mention time spent completing the intake paperwork!) So if we all worked hard to build these relationships, then why in the world would I love saying goodbye?

1. Both bookends shape therapy’s effectiveness. Great counselors make the intake process intentional to start on the “right foot” with new clients. I want clients to know what to expect from me in the beginning (see that section on my FAQ page here) because therapy hinges on a close, trusting, yet professional relationship. And therapy is a process, so wrapping up is like the other bookend. Integrating a cohesive story about the overall process seals the deal on what people take away. (I feel another post brewing, more on integration later.)

2. It’s a rare chance. How many opportunities do we have for a positive, planned goodbye? I can only think of a few others for children; the end of a school year with a favorite teacher was a standout in my childhood. 

3. I'm able to genuinely model sturdiness. I demonstrate some ways to handle bittersweet and sad times. I hope this modeling expands families’ possible expressions of those feelings. Again, kids may have few opportunities or models for goodbyes other than toxic positivity.

4. Goodbyes are enlightening! When time has run out, either in the last few sessions we planned or at the doorway after a sudden final meeting, emotions teach even more about the relationship. The time together was precious. It mattered. Our connection is significant. 

Of course I miss former clients after they’ve “graduated” or when I made a job change. To all of my former clients and those yet to come: You are capable & you won’t need my help forever. Besides, your therapy progress lasts long after goodbye.

Disclaimer: The above information is intended to provide a general overview of mental health topics and child development. This information is not a replacement for professional psychotherapy or diagnosis. Seek consultation from a licensed professional for personalized treatment planning.